4. Responding in the Moment
The Feel It Framework can help adults respond consistently when a child becomes worried, overwhelmed, angry, withdrawn or distressed.
The following sequence is a flexible guide. It is not a script that must be followed rigidly.
1. Make the situation safe
Reduce immediate demands where possible and maintain any necessary safety boundaries.
- “I’m here.”
- “We’re going to keep everyone safe.”
- “You don’t have to explain right now.”
- “We can work this out when you’re ready.”
The adult should follow the school’s usual procedures for supervision, safety and support.
2. Regulate yourself first
Once immediate safety has been established, take a moment to notice and regulate your own response before attempting to guide the child.
Slow your movements, soften your expression and allow your breathing to become steady.
Children often take cues from the adults around them.
By modelling a slower breath rather than instructing the child to breathe, you offer a pattern that they may naturally begin to follow.
Use a calm, steady voice and as few words as possible.
3. Connect
Let the child know that they are not facing the moment alone.
- “I’m here to help.”
- “I can see that something feels difficult.”
- “You are not in trouble for having a feeling.”
Connection may mean sitting or standing nearby, lowering yourself to the child’s level or quietly remaining present without asking questions.
Some children may find gentle physical reassurance comforting, such as a familiar adult placing a hand on their shoulder. Touch should only be used when it is appropriate, permitted by school policy and known to be welcome.
4. Notice without judgement
Gently acknowledge something you can observe without deciding what the child is feeling.
- “Your hands are tightly closed.”
- “Your breathing has become quicker.”
- “Your body looks as though it it needs some support.”
- “Something feels important right now.”
Avoid insisting that a child name or explain a feeling while they are highly distressed.
5. Offer manageable support
Offer one or two choices that are realistic within the school environment.
- “Would you like to sit here or move to the quiet area?”
- “Would it help to stand, sit or move your body?”
- “Would you like me to talk or be quiet for a moment?”
- “Shall we try one of Eddie’s calm tools together?”
- “Would your visual card help you show me what you need?”
Too many choices can feel overwhelming. A child may not be ready to choose, so the adult can continue offering calm, safe support without demanding an answer.
6. Allow time
Emotional regulation cannot always be hurried.
Reduce unnecessary talking and allow the child time to process.
Continue to model calm breathing and steady body language without expecting the child to copy you.
The aim is not to make the feeling disappear. It is to help the child feel safe and supported while the feeling moves through them.
7. Reflect when ready
Reflection should happen only when the child is sufficiently safe and steady.
You might explore:
- What happened?
- What did you notice in your body?
- What feeling or thought appeared?
- What helped?
- Was there anything that did not help?
- Is anything needed to repair the situation?
- What could we try next time?
- Is there anything you need from me or another adult?
Reflection is not the same as punishment. It is an opportunity to develop understanding, responsibility and future support.
Remember: when Marcus pops up
When Marcus’s Body Alert becomes very strong, Eddie and the other Feel It Friends may temporarily feel “offline” or harder for the child to reach.
During overwhelm, a child may find it difficult to:
- Listen to explanations
- Process lots of language
- Answer questions
- Consider consequences
- Make choices
- Reflect on what happened
- Remember a calming strategy
This is not necessarily refusal or deliberate defiance. The child’s body may be concentrating on responding to something that feels dangerous or important.
This is not the time to negotiate, reason at length or insist that the child explains their behaviour. Keep language simple, maintain safety and offer calm, steady connection.
Why we practise when calm
Eddie teaches children to practise calm tools during safe and settled moments—not only when something has already become difficult.
Repeated practice makes a strategy more familiar and easier to remember. Over time, a child may begin to recognise what their body needs and access a helpful tool with increasing independence.
Practising when calm might include:
- Taking part in the Butterfly Pause
- Exploring slower breathing
- Trying grounding through the senses
- Using gentle movement
- Finding a comfortable quiet space
- Identifying trusted adults
- Building a personal calm toolkit
The aim is not to teach children that they must always be calm. It is to give their body a familiar collection of tools that may help when Marcus’s Body Alert appears.
The Feel It Framework does not remove boundaries, consequences or safeguarding responsibilities. It helps adults maintain safe boundaries without dismissing, shaming or escalating a child’s emotional experience.