3. Using Consistent Language
Shared language helps children understand what adults mean and makes emotional support feel predictable across classrooms and situations.
Staff do not need to follow a rigid script. The aim is to use language that is curious, accepting and supportive.
Noticing the body
• “What is your body telling you?”
• “Where can you feel that in your body?”
• “Something feels important right now.”
• “I can see that your body needs some support.”
• “Shall we ask Marcus to help us notice?”
Welcoming feelings
• “Every feeling is welcome.”
• “It is okay to feel what you feel.”
• “You do not have to make the feeling disappear.”
• “We can feel the feeling and decide what you need.”
• “Feelings can change. We don’t have to rush them.”
• “All of you is welcome here.”
Offering calm tools
• “Would you like to choose something from your calm toolkit?”
• “Would movement, breathing, space or company help?”
• “We can try a tool together.”
• “You can tell me if that tool doesn’t feel helpful.”
• “Shall we remember one of Eddie’s calm tools?”
• “We practise calm tools when we feel settled so our brain can remember them when we need them.”
Supporting reflection
• “What happened?”
• “What were you feeling?”
• “What thought appeared in your mind?”
• “Is that a fact, a feeling or a story?”
• “Does the situation look different now?”
• “Would Olivia help us pause and look at that thought?”
• “What else might be true?”
Supporting voice and kind self-talk
• “Take your time. I’m listening.”
• “Would you like help finding the words?”
• “What would you like the other person to understand?”
• “How could you say what you need safely and kindly?”
• “What is your inside voice saying?”
• “What might you say to a friend who felt this way?”
• “Could you offer those same kind words to yourself?”
• “Let’s find a kinder and more helpful way to say that.”
• “Speak to yourself like someone you love.”
Supporting imagination and growth
• “What else might be possible?”
• “You can’t do it yet, but you are still learning.”
• “Let’s add the power of ‘yet’.”
• “What could you try first?”
• “You don’t have to do it perfectly.”
• “Having a go and practising are both part of learning.”
For EYFS and KS1
• “Would Belle’s stepping stones help?”
• “Let’s use the stepping stones together.”
• “Imagine. Believe. Have a go. Practise, practise, practise - and watch yourself grow.”
For KS2
• “Let’s use the Purple Possibility Loop.”
• “What are you imagining?”
• “What do you believe might be possible?”
• “What could you have a go at?”
• “What could you practise?”
• “What have you learnt?”
• “What could you try next?”
Supporting inner power and self-worth
• “You matter because you are you.”
• “A mistake does not change your worth.”
• “You are enough, even on difficult days.”
• “You do not have to be the best to be enough.”
• “No one else is exactly like you.”
• “Your feelings, mistakes and difficult moments are parts of your experience; they do not define who you are.”
• “What would Feel It Fiona remind you?”
• “Your heart light is still there.”
Language to reconsider
Instead of “Calm down,” try:
“Your body is telling us something feels important. What might help?”
Instead of “There’s nothing to worry about,” try:
“I can see that this feels worrying. I’m here with you.”
Instead of “Why did you do that?” try:
“Let’s think about what happened when you’re ready.”
Instead of “Use your words,” try:
“Take your time. Would you like some help finding the words?”
Instead of “You’re fine,” try:
“You’re safe with me. Tell me what you’re noticing.”
Consistent language does not mean every adult must use exactly the same sentence. It means that the message beneath the words remains consistent: feelings are welcome, behaviour communicates something and children can be supported without shame.